What happens in life when what you thought you wanted changes, you get a whole other perspective, everything you thought was important, becomes irrelevant, and the things you thought you’d never need become important. Such small possessions become the centre of a world a year ago you couldn’t imagine. And you feel ten years older. And with maturity becomes responsibility. The responsibility becomes overwhelming, you start swimming in it, flailing and drowning in it.
Life is boring the boredom is tiring that you can’t fathom continuing your repetitive routine it becomes pointless, no matter how much you clean, there is still cleaning to be done tomorrow. Everything appears to be your responsibility, generally because you are the only one who can make the decisions.
Then you sit back and realise that this is not who you thought you’d be, not that you regret anything, you aren’t where you thought you’d be, you have so many things in your life that so special, but there is so much missing, but it is better being thankful for all the little things that make you happy with the life you have, than think about the what ifs and the things you don’t have in life.
Now you have an entire different range of priorities, yet they are masking your original priorities, but those priorities can’t be dealt with until your immediate priorities are met, which are the things you never thought were important.
With all this not only do you have someone you love and someone you both love but these two very important people become reliant on you, an added pressure. Now one of these lives is completely dependent on you, not only for now but for the rest of your life, a huge step and you love it, you love creating this life that will one day create there own. It is a wonderful feeling to create life and you hope one day you be lucky enough to feel it again.
But this is not the top of the agenda. Right now you want the security of limitless love, the binding contract of someone who is committed to you and is willing to let the world know. Although this knew revelation is important it is not nearly as important to know that the feeling is mutual, how are you supposed to know what he is feeling unless he opens to his feelings and lets you in? Until that point, the only thing you can receive is a metaphorical door in the face, then how can you intrust him with the entirety that is you life. Better yet does he even want that? You start to feel that any feeling he has for you is forced and that any action that comes from this is forced. If it isn’t forced why isn’t life a fairy tale? Why can’t he feel the need for the next step? Reading another’s mind just adds new confusions to the increasingly confused mind.
You somewhat envy your grandmas generation when times where allot simpler, the more rights this generation has received has only brought more choices which increased the probability of the wrong choices. Back then relationships were sacred, love was created not expected. Still to this day some of the male descendants of this generation have not mutated into the men that this generation is designed for, where house wives are disappearing and men are evolved into the men woman are looking for, the sensitive, caring, masculine, and romantic, the perfect Cleo man.
Love in its entirety is really a silly conception, we are so hung up on the one, that we fail to notice the obvious, how friends and family seem to find their one at high school at work, a friend of a friend, this one that seems so illusive. And you know people say grass always seems greener on the other side but sometimes you look at others and think how could it not be? And as much as you love the life you live. You can’t help how easy it seems for others.
So maybe it’s you, when you can’t get the person that supposedly loves you to care about your mental and emotional well- being, or just to care for the sake of caring. Because you’re worth it. How could it not be you? You try to make fair decisions and agreements, it has to be your actions that let people walk all over you. And each day you hold your head up and continue to try to please everyone around you, for what? To be tired, depressed, sore, stressed. You feel like the only thing there is to do is leave but apart from being frazzled you love what you have, and you couldn’t risk losing that, but you need to be understood, you need help and would like to know what language you need to be speaking to get the message through to the opposite sex. Is there hidden dictionaries? Do you need to learn Morse? This problem is a common occurrence in your life, it spider webs through to the most insignificant of encounters. Eventually it takes its toll, and you are so tired of being nice.
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